From the court appearance where my son had plead not guilty to the charge of manslaughter the next few months passed in a blur, Christmas had never been my favourite time of year but whilst the kids were young it was easy to appear to enjoy for the sake of them. This year was more difficult than ever what shopping I did was mainly online and no matter how hard I tried because i didn’t know what was going to happen to my son

Christmas morning was spent all together my eldest son had recently been sent home from his posting abroad because of stress I think the obvious worries about his brother contributed to his stress but he was also massively worried about me because he knew I wasn’t coping as my days were spent crying and as much as I tried not to cry when he called me I found it impossible to hide my distress. My eldest daughter was also home for Christmas but again I know we were all together but I knew the reason for this so it hung over us like a dark shadow all day

The court had given us an extension to my sons curfew for Christmas day only as we were spending the day with my brother sister in law and their 3 children. My son was allowed only to their address accompanied by us till 10pm so it enabled us to do what we would normally do on Christmas day playing board games with all 7 of the kids even though most of them are now grown up. I was grateful for the opportunity of spending Christmas together but I knew it could be the last one for up to 15years this is something that just persistently went through my head all day making it impossible to relax and enjoy myself 2 years on even sitting here writing this im sobbing.

One day I really hope that the tears and the distress will go and life could continue without waking up thinking about it and going to sleep thinking about it. on that Christmas day the only person that actually enjoyed Chrsitmas was my brothers youngest son who we all ,he knew something was wrong but he didn’t know what so we did all try hard to keep him happy an distracted from the issues we had as an  adult I know how hard it was to cope with what was going on I couldn’t imagine a 9yr old boys feelings.

New year again was so different we all spent it together at home but found it difficult to celebrate we knew 2014 hadn’t been a good year but had no idea if 2015 would bring better things. We had some friends round and I made a lovely meal for everyone but no matter how nice the meal we knew the future was going to be tough. January is a very busy month for me workwise and also all the appointments to do with the case it really did pass in a blur.