I married my husband the father to my 2 youngest children in 2007 the day we married I was so very happy and although we had been together over 10yrs I loved him with all my heart even though at times things weren’t easy.

Whilst I was pregnant with our daughter in 1999 I discovered he had a friendship/affair with another woman to be honest it was the start of years of depression I long suspected he was having an affair. I was blissfully happy after our son was born and I was shocked to find myself pregnant before he was a year old, as soon as I was pregnant he started staying out late, being late home from work and generally being secretive. We began to have silent phone-calls which caused me a great deal of stress in the early months of pregnancy they  never happened whilst he was home but happened almost the minute he left the house, back then it wasn’t so easy to trace calls as it is now and BT suggested changing the number. The day the number was changed the phone-calls started again I worked evenings and didn’t arrive home till 1am and he told me that no phonically happened when I was out but yet I had given the new number to no one, so only he could be responsible for the calls. one evening I had my children to the brownies sports night with my elder daughter and pushing the pram with my  son in along the road with my older 2 walking beside me on a lovely summers evening my husband was standing outside where he was working talking to a woman and  as I approach I almost blinked and she was gone, I asked who she was and where she had gone and he made some excuse but I could tell he was lying. over a period of months whilst I was pregnant my partner had me think I was losing my mind and it was all in my head. when we were on holiday and I was 6mths pregnant he kept going to the call box but was very shifty when I found him there and asked who he was calling. Anyway with no firm proof at that time and three small children and a baby on the way  I accepted the situation. The day our daughter was born I was so happy but he was distant and I felt he wanted to be elsewhere I was later to find out he had rang his girlfriend from the hospital to let her know he was a father again.

Life was busy with our children I quickly had to go back to work after my daughters birth even though I had had a c section but money was so tight because gambling was a priority in his life. Our daughters christening day was the day it was confirmed he was/had been having an affair with someone called carol who was a married naval wife I spoke to her the day after the christening and the chat was intersting and made me feel sick to the stomach when she decided to share the details with me. I easily could have thought she was lying but why would I think that? she was basically confirming so many things I already knew. Our daughter at this point was 9mths old and our some just over 2 yrs old so why did I stay? a question I ask myself so often I felt I wouldn’t cope alone or rather he made me believe no one else would have me so I would spend my life alone and that scared me!. After this he was ok for a while and life was normal I was desperately unhappy but in time I just learnt to live with it but I couldn’t forget.

When he asked me to marry him I thought it would prove he loved me I didn’t hesitate in saying yes and I really did love him he was hard working and a good father even if all he ever did is make me feel small and shout at me for anything I did wrong,

We married abroad and I remember feeling incredibly happy and content at that time but I would say I never felt that I trusted him completely, my trust had been broken and because we had never really talked and dealt with it properly I found it difficult to move on. On the night of our wedding my mum looked after the children so we could an evening in the hotel together this was actually the first time since before our two children were born that we had an evening alone, we enjoyed our wedding night as most couples do but the following morning I went to breakfast alone as he refused saying he wasn’t hungry but I had to